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by Precarious Yates
The older I get, the more I realize how much fear has ruined my life. Most of the worst things that have happened in my life often find their root motive in someone else’s fear, and more often my own fear.
Why did I let that boy hurt me when I was a little girl? Because I was afraid he would reject me. And why didn’t I tell anyone about what he did? Because I was afraid he would go to jail.
And why didn’t I befriend that girl? I was afraid she’d reject me. And why did she reject me? Because my fear pushed her away. In other words, I rejected her first.
Fear has ruined far more. When I finally met the little girl I was going to adopt, I walked on eggshells and parented from a place of fear: fear that she would be taken from me. I don’t think she even had a scraped knee until she was 4. And she hated it.
A few weeks ago, she asked me how I messed up as a parent. It wasn’t one of those deep, loving conversations where we shared heart to heart. No, this was while my tween screamed angrily in my face. On one hand, I hope you have never been through that. On the other hand, I hope I’m not the only person who experiences that. My response to her was that I have no regrets as a parent, but if I could go back and change anything, it would be that I wouldn’t have held onto so much fear.
The argument can be made that those fears were legitimate. When I met my daughter, it was just a few months after my 4th miscarriage. Fear was having a field day with me.
But with hindsight, I see all that false evidence that had appeared so real. It was hard to constantly remind myself that Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life. It was hard to remember on my own that God is the God of the living, and that He gives life far beyond what we can imagine.
So many times, I gave into fear. Over and over, I gave into fear. I cried UNCLE over more mirages than I care to admit.
But God is more gracious than we can fathom. He has been walking me out of fear and into trust. My circumstances are tougher than before, but God has faithfully shown up. Like the time I got on my knees and begged Him to help me show kindness in the face of some rather extreme unkindness, He showed up by lavishing love through me when I previously plotted revenge. His grace has overflowed, cascading over all the times I clung to my PTSD.
Fear is a liar, but Jesus is the Truth, the Life, and the most awesome Way to bold fearlessness. He conquered fear at the cross, and will continue to conquer fear in and through us. That gripping terror that’s been a secret for far too long, not only will we trample it in our own lives, but we will help eradicate such fear in the lives of others. Because He has appointed us to be more than conquerors!
God bless you!
Precarious Yates
About the Author:
Precarious Yates has lived in 8 different states of the Union and 3 different countries, but currently lives in Texas with her husband, her daughter and their big dogs. When she’s not writing, she enjoys music, teaching, playing on jungle gyms, praying and reading. She holds a Masters in the art of making tea and coffee and a PhD in Slinky® disentangling.
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