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by Precarious Yates
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
Psalm 73:21-23
A profound joy had been lit within me. Something I’d longed for and didn’t expect looked as if it was about to happen. A dream God had put on my heart looked like it was coming to fruition. So many signs accompanied. So many hopes would be fulfilled. It seemed like a shoe-in. I was trepidatious but excited.
Then it became evident that this wasn’t going to happen. Not only was it not going to happen, it would never happen. All future possibilities were stripped away.
I don’t know if you’ve ever known this level of disappointment. I hope you haven’t. It grieved my heart. Deeply. It embittered my spirit. As if forevermore the sun might rise but not for me. So complete was this blow that physical pain accompanied the disappointment.
Maybe I wasn’t supposed to get angry, but I did. I got angry like a brute beast. Like I was senseless and ignorant. In my wailing, I screamed and shook my fist. If it had just been a hope of my own, I could have dealt with that. If no signs accompanied, I could have dealt with it. If this wasn’t entwined with my hope in the Lord, and faith in His word, I could have dealt with it. But all of that. All of it. If this was a test, I was angry, because the test seemed so cruel.
I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hold my head up. I was so angry at God. I said things that shook what remained of my faith to its foundations.
How would He ever receive me back again?
I have a child who yells at me, calls me names, says hurtful things all the time, and has even asked me not to love her anymore. If I forgive her and welcome her back into fellowship, how much more will God?
Not only did He welcome me back, but He reminded me over and over how much He loves me, how much He loves my children, and how much He has in store for all of us when we reach eternity!
He’s not afraid of our emotions. He gently led me to a place where I allowed Him to have the pilot seat instead of my reactions. He reminded me of Mary of Bethany and how she expressed upset and received from Him understanding (John 11:32-33). He understands you and me too!
May His face shine upon you today and every day!
About the Author:
Precarious Yates has lived in 8 different states of the Union and 3 different countries, but currently lives in Texas with her husband, her daughter and their big dogs. When she’s not writing, she enjoys music, teaching, playing on jungle gyms, praying and reading. She holds a Masters in the art of making tea and coffee and a PhD in Slinky® disentangling.
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