2015 – The Year of Self-Inflicted Wounds by Parker J. Cole

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I know I’m supposed to have kind words to say about the end of the year. You know, have happy thoughts, and look at how much the Lord has done with this or that. Yeah, well. This ain’t that post. This post is going to be about me and my idiocy.

This year has been a bad year. I’m not one to put my dirty laundry out in the public but suffice to say, it’s been rough. Unfortunately, a lot of my friends have the same story to tell. For a lot of us, 2015 sucked. Yet, for most of my friends, life happened to them. For me, it was the year I chose to be disobedient in many areas of my life and then had to look back at the consequences for those actions.

  • The year, I had a car accident that totaled my car. I had a concussion for about a week. I wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
  • This year, I almost lost my job due to my own concentrated petty negligence and entitlement attitude.
  • This year, I argued more with my husband than ever and was on the verge of splitting ties. In fact, I almost wanted to. Looking back, perhaps I even caused the arguments to have a reason to leave.
  • This year, I experienced the lowest in sales from my books but I didn’t do much marketing.
  • This year, my parents experienced a lot of hardships and physical ailments. There was nothing I could do about it. It’s extremely difficult to be joyful when your parents are suffering.
  • This year, I got very angry with God that I am still motherless.
  • This year, I lost valuable friendships. Some due to my own foolishness and others because of misunderstandings.

Many times through this year, I’ve had to come crawling to the Lord to bandage my self-inflicted wounds. Then I had to just sit there and deal with the aftermath of bad choices. Although the Lord can heal any situation, disobedience has a way of fragmenting your life. Though paths can be smoothed away by our Lord, there is still the aftermath.

Look at David and Bathsheba. David inflicted that wound on himself. He chose to take another man’s wife, kill her husband, and then cover it all up. God punished him for that by taking his son and bringing enmity in his household. Another thing that happened too, and this is my personal opinion so feel free to disagree, God did not allow David to build the temple his son would eventually build because he had blood on his hand.

Where’s the feel-good part of this post, Parker? This is depressing.

Well, yeah. Disobedience and its aftermath is depressing. You think Adam and Eve skipped along living life to the fullness after being kicked out the Garden? I’m sure they thought about their disobedience every single day of their lives and they had a long time to do so. My own aftermath can be listed like this:

  • We had two vehicles, and now we’re down to one. I have a hospital bill I’m still trying to sort out.
  • I was put on probation at work and given a written notice that if I continue to act like an idiot, I can spend most of my time at home.
  • A distance has been created between me and the hubby.
  • My parents are still ailing. As of this post, my father is in the hospital. He went in the day after Christmas.
  • My books still have low sales.
  • I’m still motherless.
  • My friendships with some people have been completely severed.

I’m covered with bandages and those are just the ones I feel halfway comfortable telling you about.

Strange enough though, the oddest things have happened from these self-inflicted cuts and bruises – they’ve begun to heal. When you cut yourself a keloid forms over the cut. The scar doesn’t heal and then merge back into your flawless skin. The keloid is a reminder of damage. In fact, some people go to plastic surgeons to get rid of scars but most of us don’t have that kind of money. But healing is a wonderful thing. Over time, the pain lessens, the swelling goes down, and the inflammation dissipates. In my case, throughout the year, the following happened:

  • I’m more cautious and prayerful every time I get into that truck.
  • My work ethic was so dramatic a change, I was given a raise. Not a huge one but I had one nonetheless. Through a good work and professional ethic, I believe I’ve regained my employer’s trust again.
  • God’s going to have to fix the distance between me and the hubby but I looked at him the other day and I love that man to death.
  • My parents are still alive and still in their right minds. Thank the Lord.
  • On two separate occasions within the last week or so, two readers have contacted me telling me they are going to suggest my books to their book clubs which just tickled me pink.
  • If I never become a mother, I will still praise the Lord for all He has done for me.
  • My best friend still cares about me as she has for the past twenty years. She was the friend I asked God for when I was a child.

I can sum up my entire thoughts on the subject of God’s grace through my self-inflicted wounds with a passage of scripture. Hopefully, it comforts you as it has me this past year.

Romans 8:26-28

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

About the Author:

Parker J. ColeParker J. Cole is a writer and radio show host who spends most of her time reading, knitting, writing, cooking, and concocting new ideas for stories. Her first novel, Dark Cherub, won Best of Spring Reading 2013 from eMediaCampaigns. She lives in Michigan with her husband and beloved dog Sarah.

Visit her site at http://www.ParkerJCole.com

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7 Comments

  1. Deborah

     /  December 28, 2015

    Wow! I love your transparency. 2015 for me has been good and bad. The best thing is that you learned from your disobedience, if we don’t learn from our disobedience then we will repeat our mistakes.

    Reply
  2. Vanessa

     /  December 28, 2015

    Wonderful, honest article. Love it

    Reply
  3. Very beautiful post Parker. I feel for you and pray this coming year will be the godly growth, personal and familial, that flowed from the past one. This was a blessing for you to share, as you say, many people may have had a horrible year, but have overlooked the many blessings and faithfulness of God to bring good out of our suffering. Happy New Year to you Parker.

    Reply
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